you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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