Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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