I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
