My nipple is on Facebook.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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