Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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