What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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