Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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