grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize