I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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