i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
