He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
