So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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