I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
