remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
