YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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