You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
