He asked me if I "almost moaned"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
