I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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