Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
