Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
