Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
