So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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