Quick, to the slutcave!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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