One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
