some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
