I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
