He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
