but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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