That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I understand Curling. That high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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