My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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