ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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