Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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