you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
