God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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