Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
