ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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