My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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