Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
