Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
