I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
