As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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