Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
