Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
