I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
