all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
