why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
