They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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