You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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