wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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