Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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