but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's always time for handjobs
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
