it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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