If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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