I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
