I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
