I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
