My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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