I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
