I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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