You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
