I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
