god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
