When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
