I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
