Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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