i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
