I wanna bring you to show and tell
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
