Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
